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Ashley Kerwin

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OOC [13 Jan 2006|07:54pm]
((i know i haven't been active much lately, but finals are comming up so after this upcomming week i should be back into the swing of things. Sorry.))
a song

Fill the blank spots in, with childish gibberish [05 Jan 2006|04:03pm]
Things are boring. But it seems like this is sort of a trend.
Same old things are going on since i last updated, been visiting Jay, helping him get ready for rehab and all that sort of stuff besides that nothing.

I seriously need some action (and in a non-sexual type of way.)
2 Sang me a song

The kiss of a new year to come [28 Dec 2005|03:04pm]
[ mood | awake ]

Lets see, where should i start.

Jay's in the hospital, and i've gone to the hospital to see him everyday since. Nobody else, excpet Paige has come to see him so i probably just feel sorry for him. He needs someone to support him, so i guess that person will be me. For awhile that is

Christmas craziness is finally over and in the aftermath i've gotten some pretty nice stuff. My mom got me this Debbie Harry (aka lead singer of Blondie) shirt and a few cds, Jeff just gave me money. Toby didn't get me anything, even though i got him a computer game, because he's an ass. I got my mom a new Dvd player for her room, and i got Jeff a new boombox thingy. Not realy all that eventful, we stayed at home and acted like it was any other day. No one came over or anything, just us, acting like no holiday was even going on. I snuck out for an hour to see Jay quickly. I didn't have time to get him anything, but he didn't seem to mind. He didn't get me anything either so it wasn't that big of a deal

What's everyone doing for new years? Anything fun happening at all, because lately things have been extremely boring. We need a part or something like that. Something to spice things up around here.

3 Sang me a song

This is the first thing I remember..Now it's the last thing left on my mind [20 Dec 2005|07:47pm]
Where do we go life's temporary
After we're gone like new years resolutions
Why is this hard do you recognize me
I know I'm wrong but I can't help believingCollapse )
a song

And besides my reputation's on the line...From comparing myself to everyone else around me. [15 Dec 2005|02:44pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

So, this has been a pretty.. eventful Uneventful week.

Hung out with Jay again. We went to some party, had a few drinks and embarassed him infront of some tall blonde girl. He said I could pick any girl in the room and he'd be able to hook up with her by the end of the night. Well, that was a mistake. The girl was so not interested and he like spilled his drink all over her. I thought the guy that she claimed was her boyfriend would do something, but he didn't so i suppose he was either scared of Jay or wasn't her boyfriend, just a made up lie to make him go away. It's probably the latter, since the girl seemed very uninterested. Him and like 4 of his friends decided they wanted to go to some strip club and he refused to take me home first. SO, i ended up going with them. While they were like throwing all their money at the women i talked to one of the waitresses about why she was a stripper. She was smarter then i expected. Mindy was her name, and she's working nights while she's at University. She was funny and i kinda felt sorry that she had to do that. Made me sorry that i quit my job, so i went back and begged for it back, and they re-hired me. No raise this year though. So he drove me home after and that was basically it. Nothing all that big.
One of these days i'm gonna just sit down and talk to him. I don't know, it's like he's a mystery. It's probably stupid that i'm hanging out him, but whatever. I need somemore fun in my life. So what if it's comming fom Jay? It's not like he's even tried anything. I don't think there's anything there.

Did i mention i got my job back. I figured it's nicer to get payed to watch movies then to do actual work.

a song

Where has the feeling gone? Will I remember this song? The show must go on. [09 Dec 2005|02:30pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Well it's been awhile. But i'm boring anyways, so no one probably even noticed.

I quit my job. It was fun for awhile, but watching movies all day for really low paycheques aren't really a fair trade off. I just, haven't felt like leaving the house or doing anything, it's hard enough to get up and go to school, let alone go to work.
My mom doesn't know though, because she said she'd take my car if i didn't keep my job. I'll get a new one soon enough though. Maybe doing something i like better. I wonder if that record store still has spots availible. I'm always willing to give people music advice or just tell them where everything is, then sample all the music for myself.
I still haven't seen Craig, and i'm seriously gonna make the effort to do so in the upcomming days.
Also, Chris like completely disapeared off the face of the earth or something. I'm gonna have to investigate. when i'm in these moods, he can usually lift my spirits, and i'm in need of that right about now.

Christmas is comming up too. I suppose that means i should go Christmas shopping sometime soon. Not exactly sure what to get for everyone, but i'll figure out something at some point. I've got a few ideas for a few people, so i'll probably try to go do that this weekend.

3 Sang me a song

what you're looking for is never what you find. nothing ever seems to turn out right. . . [01 Dec 2005|02:37pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

So i got alot of shit for hanging out with Jay last week. Oh well. It's like people paige think that just because i hang out with someone, it automatically means i want to get in their pants or something. Well sorry if i want to be friends with him. It's not really that big of a deal.
I made a few mistakes in my life, but so has everyone. It doesn't mean that i'm a bad person like you make me out to be.
I don't know, it's just stupid that i can never be forgiven by my so called friends for things in the past.
But whatever, if they don't want to accept me, for me and my mistakes in the past then that's their problem and i probably shouldn't be their friend anyways.

So, On to better topics. I finally got a car!
98 dodge neon, it's a grayish color, i'll post pictures when i get them. It's nice to be completely mobile though. I can drive to work instead of walking now. I'm actually probably gonna try to get a new job, now that i have a car i can go further out of town maybe and get a job that pays more.
Ah, well we'll see i suppose.

I haven't seen Craig since he got back, put i'm pretty sure we're supposed to hang out soon to make some sort of food product. Smores? I think that's it. the akward mood still isn't gone, but we're working on it... I don't know what's up with that kid and his love for all things food related. Maybe he should consider being a chef over a photographer or rockstar. hah.

anyways, that's it for now. Gonna go get some gas and drive around a bit.

1 Sang me a song

I'm the new Cancer, never looked better, you can't stand it. [23 Nov 2005|07:54pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

I almost have enough money for a car.
I'm so excited. No more walking for Ashley Kerwin, nope. She's gonna get a car.
Now all i have to worry about is making enough for gas and all that jazz.

Anyways, this week i went to the dot. With Jay.
I know, Jay and Ashley hanging out? Sounds crazy right. Well i was bored, and we both weren't doing anything, so hey! why not?
We just chatted a bit until the food came. He told me i shouldn't be worried about what others think about me and just worry about having some fun. I know i shouldn't care and all, but how can you not? We talked about him and Paige and everything going on with him he was trying to act all tough about it and stuff, but it seemed like he really did care about her. It was strange to see that comming from him and about his new apartment and how i have to see it sometime. just regular old things like that.
The food came and he ate like he hadn't had a bite to eat in days realized we both had no money to pay for the stuff, and decided to just skip out on the bill I just had a pop and some fries as usual. After we were done, he came up with this plan to get out, where i went to the bathroom then he got in the car, then i walked out and we just leave. I seriously thought that he was gonna leave me when i got to the bathroom, but to my suprise there he was outside waiting for me in his car. we left, and drove around some, then he took me home. It wasn't too bad of a time i guess. It was.. Thrilling i guess. I mean, i haven't done something like that before and it was really fun. Maybe that's why people steal all the time.

Besides that nothing's been going on. Toby's got some new game, Guitar Hero or something. But it's kinda fun. They've got The Ramones and Ozzy Osbourne on there, and you get to play along with the song. I'm gonna go try to steal it from him and play it for awhile.

12 Sang me a song

Hanging on in quiet desparation is the English way,the song is over thought Id something more to say [17 Nov 2005|08:05pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Work has officially taken over my life.
I've been working from the time i get out of school until around 11 or so, and you can only watch so many disney movies before you get completely sick of learning moral lessons.
But- I'm making alot of money and getting my mind off of things. Mostly about how i'm feeling kinda lonely and i miss having friends i can talk to. soon enough i'll have enough money to buy my very own car. Craig, you should reccomend one for me, something cheap, something that doesn't cost 100 dollars just for gas, and something cute. Did i mention cheap?
I won't have to walk to school and to work like i have to do now which is always a big plus.
I wish i didn't fuck things up so badly with Ellie. It'd be so good to just have a friend to be able to sit down and talk to about all the stuff that i'm thinking about. I haven't had that with anyone in a long time.

As usual i'm boring, socially that is. I must smell foul or something because everytime someone says they'll hang out with me it ends up never happening. Almost like "Ha, yeah i'll hang out with you" then a snicker in the background or something like that. I was supposed to hang out with Chris on tuesday i think, but it never actually went through so i guess i'll try to re-try that.

that's enough of this, thinking about how crappy things are is making me kinda emo, and no one likes an emo Ashley Kerwin.

1 Sang me a song

I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know. Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety. [10 Nov 2005|05:22pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Well another exciting week has gone by.
Only it's been more planned excitement then anything else. All Talk and no Action i suppose.

First there's Spinner. I was supposed to hang out with him sometime this week but he didn't seem too excited about the idea. I suppose that whole..kiss.. or whatever was just a mistake. I didn't think so at the time, but he acts like it never happened, i suppose i should just move on. So much for getting my hopes up. but it never happened, so i guess we shouldn't reschedule or something.

Then Craig who of course i haven't seen in a million years anyways. Actually he should be number one on the list because he's the one i need tot alk to the most.

Last but not least there's Chris who i'm starting to miss more and more.. it's strange. He usually gives me this really comforting feeling when i'm down and i really miss it. Who i'm definately making plans with for sometime soon.

But anyways, work's been good as usual. We watched Sixteen Candles yesterday, and if you know me, you know i'm a sucker for Molly Ringwald Movies. It was awesome.

but yeah, i'm boring.
And full of empty promises.

7 Sang me a song

I wanna Lover i don't have to love, i want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk. [03 Nov 2005|02:29pm]
[ mood | blank ]

Halloween sucked, badly. I had to hand out candy to the little kids that come around here, but there was like maybe 3 actual little kids. The rest were in like grade 6 or 7. I didn't give them as much candy as i gave the young cute ones, so i have alot left. Oh well, looks like i'll be eating alot of candy.
Haven't seen Spinner since that night. I guess it I was just a silly mistake or something. Story of my life eh? I feel like i haven't talked to Craig in decades, centuries, what comes after that? More then anything i want things between us to be back to normal. We could talk about music or whatever. Not even in a boyfriend/girlfriend sort of way, because i don't even think he thinks of me that way anymore. I've probably said this before, but talk is cheap. I need to make the effort this time. I will.
I went to the dot a few days ago, ran into Jay and had a nice little conversation. we flirted, alot actually. It was, fun, i guess you'd say. Nothing phyisical or anything just teasing. He was basically annoying me, but i let him sit with me because he just looked so lonely. hah.
I wasn't trying to do anything with him, i mean he's with Paige and all. I don't know, i guess i'm just tired of feeling so emotionally responsible about things. I wanna be-spontanious. I wanna act young and wild and free, because right now i act like a 30 year old woman, and that's no fun at all.

god, i'm boring.

3 Sang me a song

Everything good, I deem too good to be true.. [26 Oct 2005|11:48pm]
[ mood | good ]

So i hung out with Spin tonight. It was fun.
First he serenaded me with a little Hanson, which by the way, he knew all the words to MMMbop. Then he got mad because he thought Taylor Hanson was a girl.

We went to a haunted house and he got so scared, especially when the clown with the chainsaw popped out of no where. That was more funny then anything. I sort of got scared and grabbed on to his arm. He seemed like he was okay with it though.. Actually it seemed like he enjoyed it. Maybe it was just my mind playing tricks on me. Oh well..
After we went to the dot, and he had to get me free food because if he didn't i'd eat his and he'd have nothing to do about it.

On the ride back to my house we decided to be eachother for halloween this year, I'm gonna wear his "I love Jordan Knight" T-shirt and part my hair all to one side like how he looked last year. Oh, this should be fun. Oh, and we kissed. He sort of asked before like he was almost nervous. I don't know if it was just a one time thing or something

But other then that nothing's been going on. Work's still going good, even though last week they played The Matrix and i hate that movie so i was kinda bored all shift.

3 Sang me a song

Twenty five tons of hardened steel rolls on no ordinary wheel [17 Oct 2005|08:19pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Wow, nothing at all has really been going on.
I've actually been writing alot of poetry and stuff lately.
Basically it's been School-Work-Writing then sleep.
I haven't even really talked to anyone. So i guess i need to make a list of people that i need to see/hang out with asap.
Chris, Spinner, and Craig are all at the top.
It's kinda pitiful that the list is so short. Eh, oh well.
I'm trying to figure out some things in my head. Jimmy just up and leaves so i suppose that's supposed to mean we're completely done with right? So i should have nothing holding me back from him right? It would've helped to atleast get some closure, but i guess i won't be getting that anytime soon. I just need to get on with my life. And i Will.

2 Sang me a song

Midwest love affair, I bend when I am bored. [11 Oct 2005|07:35pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

So let me start off by saying
Gavin "Spinner" Mason loves New Kids on The Block.
Infact, i'm pretty sure i saw his Jordan Knight shirt in his house when i was over there the other day. I think Jordan was his favourite.
Anyways, i hung out with spin alot this weekend, probably because he needed help kicking his NKOTB habit and he needed me there for support. Remember, the first step is admitting you have a problem. That's his biggest downfall. Haha, but really, i played him a song i just wrote and he just randomly put a beat to it. It was fun, i haven't played with anyone in awhile. I missed it. Oh yeah, i almost forgot to say how we both agreed that the keyboard was waaaay more important then the drums in a band. The Keyboard's almost even more important then the guitar. It's just all around awesome.
After we were done playing we had a pillow fight, which i of course won. We talked for a bit, then he drove me home. i didn't really to leave.. But we didn't have anything else to do, so he hung at my house for a bit. He said something about how it was my job to cook for him because i was a woman, but i refused. Mostly because i'm not that great of a cook in the first place.

Work today was awesome, we got to watch Shrek 2 which i hadn't seen yet, and my manager Ross dressed up like Shrek. The Asistant Manager, Joss dressed up like Fiona. It was really cute. No one else had to dress up like anything, but i wanted to dress up like the 3 blind mice. I couldn't get anyone else to dress as the other 2 though, so i just wore my regular uniform. How boring.
I'm loving my job though. It's so much fun.

2 Sang me a song

And the people who hide themselves behind a wall of illusion [09 Oct 2005|02:07pm]
[ mood | awake ]

Well, that email.. It was uh, i don't know. I feel so sorry for her, because i know what it's like to be videotaped like...that. I'm just thanking god Steve didn't do anything with mine. I clicked out soon after it started.

But anyways Friday was my birthday. Pretty much everyone forgot, my mom, Toby, the few friends i actually have, except Craig. Craig Took me out to the dot for my 3 part present. He wrote me a song, which was few funny and cute. He got the waiters at the dot to sing to me, which was very embarassing. And last but certainly not least, he got me this beautiful journal. I love it so much, it probably one of the best birthday presents i've ever gotten. All of it made up for everyone else forgetting. When i got home from the Dot with craig my mom was apologetic for everything. She said she was busy..blah blah blah, and that she'd make it up to me somehow.

All i did yesterday was sleep. I slept pretty much the whole day, on and off. I woke up a few times to eat and stuff and to write in my pretty new journal, but that's it.

Now i have millions of hours of homework ahead of me.
Oh joy.

4 Sang me a song

Was the, the change worth it? [05 Oct 2005|08:07pm]
[ mood | cold ]

I've made so many visits to the dot lately, i'm suprised i'm not fat from all the fries i've been eating.
Went on Sunday with Spinner and everyone was there once again. No entertainment this time though, so it was kinda boring, except for the fact that Spinner was stealing Pop.

I've been hanging out with Chris alot too. I went to go visit him twice while he was in rehab and i think i've seen him twice since he's been out. We went to the Dot today, as usual. It was fun though, he's a funny kid.

Work's been going good. Yesterday the movie was Beetlejuice, and i love that movie so it was hard for me to pay attention to the customers. This one lady was just standing in line and i thought someone else was working other then me, so she was kinda pissed that i wasn't paying attention to her. Oh well, she got out of there fast enough. I think this weekend we start the theme nights. Saturday is Sports night, so i have to put on my Hockey Jersey instead of my usual uniform. Come in with your fav. team on and you get one dollar off your rental. How Fun. I bet that day we'll be watching something lame like "Miracle". Whatever.

Friday's my birthday, i'm pretty sure everyone forgot about it. Or just doesn't care. Just thought i'd inform the kids that do. It doesn't matter though.

2 Sang me a song

I hope that you know I'm wondering where you are, you say this could work someday... this is the end [29 Sep 2005|05:05pm]
[ mood | sick ]

Seems like some sickness is going around and i think i've caught it. My nose is all runny and well i bet you don't wanna hear all the nasty details of it so i'll just leave it at that.
Anyways, i started work this week. It's pretty cool, i'm liking it alot. Really not as bad as i thought it was gonna be. Not alot of people come in at all so i basically watch movies or tv shows the whole day. Yesterday it was Season 3 of The Simpsons and the day before it was The Breakfast Club. Get payed to watch movies all day. Not too shabby at all.
I Visited Chris at rehab after work on Monday. It was a short visit so i'm gonna have to come back the next time i have a day off and stay longer. He pretty much just showed me around then we talked for a while.

Still haven't hung out with Spinner or Jimmy like i'm supposed to. We have to just do something out of the blue, because uusually planning things never work out. So Yeah, that's getting done sometime soon.

That's about it. Work and School. How Exciting.

8 Sang me a song

Can't you help me as i'm starting to burn? [25 Sep 2005|03:34pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Sorry about the lack of updates, i've been busy pretty much just sleeping doing nothing.
Craig and i ended up going to the dot that one night everyone was there. It was really packed, but pretty much boring. He made that little civilization out of sweet and low, and i threatned to knock it down. That was pretty much the complete basis of excitement.
I really need to go out and visit Chris this week, i miss talking to him and whatnot, so yes, i'm doing that. I just have to figure out a day and time and, yeah, just plan everything out. Either way it's getting done.
I talked to Spin on Friday night. It was kinda funny because he called me Yoko Ono and then we had a big long discussion about how i hate her. But i guess she's his mom so i better stop. lol. We still have to hang out this week too.
Pretty sure i've talked to Craig a couple times this week soo It's just that everytime we talk or hang out, it's not the same. I miss the way things were before. I miss not feeling akward around him. I miss him being my best friend. It's crazy.. I think we're supposed to make waffles soon.

I got that job at the Family Video Down the street. The music store never called back. Oh well.
I start tomorrow i believe. It should be fun. We'll see..

10 Sang me a song

it's never been harder to fall... [19 Sep 2005|07:26pm]
[ mood | confused ]

I have no idea what happened to Jimmy... He was the one who wanted me to move in with him just to disapear a day later. What a great boyfriend i had.. So whatever i like how finally things were starting to go good in my life for once. I had everything back on track and now it's ruined. Nothing's ever gonna go right so i should just give up. There's no point in trying anymore. Anyways Craig and I made pancakes last week. They were so big i couldn't even eat half of one. I told him to make them smaller but that kid is crazy i tell ya. I went to the dot with Chris too. i'm still so worried about that kid.. That was pretty funny especially since he finally admitted how he likes to stalk me. tsk tsk tsk.. I don't feel like going to school tomorrow, or the rest of the week for that matter. We'll see how it goes..

but this carpet's got hills and i can't see this helping at allCollapse )

7 Sang me a song

How do you do it? Make me feel like I do....It's better than I ever knew. [13 Sep 2005|02:29pm]
[ mood | lazy ]

I'm feeling so much better since the weekend.
I decided to take Thursday and Friday off, call it some Mental health days.
So for my 4 day weekend i spent the whole time at Jimmy's Trying to work things out i guess you'd call it. I slept pretty much from Wed. night to Thurs. night. Jimmy stayed up the whole time, so when i woke up he pretty much just crashed out. He told me not to leave him, but i went on a walk and saw Chris. He cheered me up 100% just joking and not talking about all the drama. I only stayed for like a half hour then walked back to Jimmy's. He was still asleep, so i'm pretty sure he didn't notice i was gone..
I love being with Jimmy, and since i already practically live there, i might as well move a few things over.. I asked my mom about it, and she agreed on it as long as there are like a million things agreed on.
Things like, i have to come home for a visit everyday or call her every day, if any of my grades slip i'm bringing all my stuff back, and something like i have to spend one night out of every week at home with her. She calls it a 'family night' I hope to god we don't have to sit around playing board games, because Toby starts geting mean when we play Monoply.
Other then that, i'm pretty sure i'm supposed to be making pancakes with Craig sometime this week. We really need to catch up, because i haven't seen him outside of school in a loooong time. Plus he has to show me that new car of his.
and I applied for a few jobs today. I applied at the Murray's Music Shop 9 miles outside of town and the Family Video down the street from Jimmy's place. Even though the music store is so far away, i'd probably like to work there more for obvious reasons.

I've got a couple hours of make-up homework ahead of me, so i better go make that up.

3 Sang me a song

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